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CREATING A PLEASURE-BASED CULTURE TOGETHER

In this blog I share about my own process of understanding with importance of gathering to create a new way of being and culture, the impact of individualism, the path of integrating our shame, the nourishment and co-regulation in gathering and how I got to the stage of realising why Sojourners, the 6-month intimate membership journey is so important to a cultural shift around pleasure!

ANTI-RACIST/RACIAL JUSTICE WRITING, THINKING AND RESOURCES

A collection of resources with direct links to each resource to support you, me, us to do the work to unlearn/learn beliefs for racial justice and keep us accountable and not endorse violence. Prioritise and centre your commitment and unlearning, and remember that many of us are supporting and perpetuating violent structures and institutions and that the work isn’t done.

PLEASURE IN ISOLATION: resources while solo, with lovers, or distant from lovers

Well, here we are. As we adapt and shift to a new way of being in the world, we adapt to ways of experience pleasure and connection. So I’ve gathered some ideas of how we can bring pleasure into our experiences of isolation and social distancing. I’ve separated the ideas into things you can do solo, together, or by distance.

I understand that life is overwhelming and hard always, and especially right now. Be gentle with yourself. You don’t need to try and perfect pleasure too. It’s always a process, and always a practice to come back to and keep gently developing.

HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH DEATH

What’s the connection between sex and death from the perspective of a pleasure educator? 
Well, I believe you can’t talk about sex without talking about death. They’re entwined. Pleasure keeps us alive and truly living. You can’t have life and living, without having death, decay, loss. We are not infinite, we live in cycles of change and decay.
Sex and pleasure are also tools to be in our bodies. They remind us that we have bodies, that we exist in space and time.

THE CHRONIC SERIES: THE VESTIBULE

I’m excited to introduce the second blog in the The Chronic Series. This series features people speaking first-hand about their often misunderstood experiences with pain and pleasure. I’m so excited to introduce artist, Makeda Duong:
“The first time I had sex, it was like a cleaving. In the original tale of ‘The Little Mermaid’ when the mermaid’s tail splits into two legs, it feels like she is being sliced with a sword. Every step that followed felt like she was walking on broken glass.”

COSY UP TO YOUR SHAME

Shaaaaame. What a sneaky little fucker. It can be so invisible and insidious to the point we think we’re acting of our own volition, yet it’s internalised shame and fear propelling our decisions and actions, even potentially against the good of ourselves.  
We all have shame, we’ve inevitably inherited it, so it’s so hard to get enough distance from shame to even speak about it. What would the world look like without shame? Particularly sexual shame? I really don’t know. As it stands, shame is woven into the fabric of society and ourselves. Here are some reminders and tools to recognise and dismantle it, and even have a relationship with shame while you relearn pleasure and expression.

TRAUMA RESOURCES

I want to openly and freely share this list of trauma resources I’ve found that are either sex positive, body focused / somatic approaches, or have a harm reduction approach.

I’m by no means a trauma expert or professional, but in the process of becoming more aware of the effects of trauma, researching the nervous system, and training in trauma-informed facilitation I’ve found these resources to be helpful for my understanding and supportive for my clients as they develop a relationship with their bodies, pleasure, and exploration.

EXPLORING CONSENSUAL NON-MONOGAMY

People often ask me about resources about consensual non-monogamy. Even though I focus on communication of pleasure (with needs, wants, desires, and fantasies), I’m not a therapist and don’t plan on being one! But I have been in my fair share of open relationships, so I suggest these resources not from my perspective as a Pleasure Educator, but from being human and exploring new ways of relating.