EXPLORING NON-MONOGAMY

People often ask me about resources about consensual non-monogamy. Even though I focus on communication of pleasure (with needs, wants, desires, and fantasies), I’m not a therapist and don’t plan on being one! But I have been in my fair share of open relationships, so I suggest these resources not from my perspective as a Pleasure Educator, but from being human and exploring new ways of relating.

I hope these resources bolster you in a time hopefully filled with excitement, being somewhat overwhelmed, and not quite knowing what you want in a dynamic of relating that society rarely represents or portrays so there’s very little positive role models.

One thing I do suggest is, consider “What If” before exploring particular dynamics so you can really know your needs and wants before potentially feeling hurt by the reality of the situation. It’s ok to go slooooow.

RESOURCES:

• ‘Polysecure’, by Jessica Fern. This book is really helpful for navigating specifically polyamory and attachment styles together. There are lots of reflective questions after each section so can be helpful to reflect on with lovers and partners.

• ‘Unfuck Your Polyamory’ course by Kevin Patterson and Liz Powell. I have not done this course but I’ve heard great things.

• Explanations of the different ways of being consensually non-monogamous - Wildflower Sex Store has a great blog about the explanations.

• Dr Zhana, researcher and expert - Zhana started the Casual Sex Project, and also does counselling sessions for people wanting to explore nonmongamy.

• 'Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships and Other Adventures' - this book is the most famous book on this topic with practical guides, and you can download on audio or e-book too.

• 'Sex from Scratch: Making Your Own Relationship Rules' - this indie published book shows many different ways to be nonmonogamous through people’s experiences, and encourages you to reflect on how you want your relationship to be, and it feel healthy, supported, and informed.

• 'Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships' - the author of this book Tristan Taormino also runs the Opening Up blog so you can see other people’s experiences, potentially  similar to yours. You can also look up play parties, poly meetups / munches to see if there’s a supportive understanding community in your area

• ‘More Than Two’ - an excellent, practical guide that is queer inclusive and less binary than many other books.

• ‘Sex At Dawn’ - although considered contentious, this book is about the history of nonomonogamy in humans, by studying the bonobo species.

• 'Multiamory’ podcast - the podcasts are so detailed, with lots of frameworks and resources, and they have so many episodes.

• Monogamy Detox - an online six-week course for people of all relationship wants and needs to deprogram the “toxic” part of monogamy. Recommended by a fellow Sex Educator, but I haven’t done.

• Decolonizing Love - they’re on TikTok and do act out so many scenarios, which is helpful to model.

Any resources you think should really be on this list? I’d love to know! Please email me through the contact page.