RESOURCES FOR UNWANTED PELVIC PAIN WITH PENETRATION

Note: without direct coaching, I don’t know which resources might be most supportive for you. But here are so resources and suggestions to begin finding the support you deserve.

POTENTIAL EXPERIENCES:

Here are some of the potential experiences people can have that are either acute, short term, or chronic long term experiences. Many of these experiences can be treated and managed, but they often go undiagnosed, untreated and unsupported, so many people think they need to endure them. While some cannot be treated or resolved fully, they can be managed so people can experience less pain and more pleasure. You never deserve to endure discomfort or pain, unless you are consensually inviting it!

  • Vulvodynia: chronic pain in the vulva (external genitalia) the area around the opening of the vagina.

  • Vaginismus: pain and bracing of the muscles in the vagina, most acutely felt with penetration of the vagina potentially from a tampon, menstrual cup, finger, vagina, sex toy, or penis.

  • Haemorrhoids: swollen and inflamed veins in the rectum and anus that cause discomfort and bleeding. Bracing of the pelvic floor can often happen alongside it, and aggravate the existing pain.

  • Prostatitis: inflammation of the prostate gland, and sometimes also pain in the pelvis and genitals, and cause painful or difficult urination.

  • Micro tears or fissures: tiny cuts or rips of the vaginal or anal walls or entrances that often can’t be seen, but create stinging pain and discomfort. If friction is continued to these areas they can become worse, or chronically aggravated.

RESOURCES:

  • Pelvic floor physiotherapists and osteotherapists: I refer a lot of people to pelvic floor physiotherapists and osteotherapists. This is a specialised approach, and can be linked with gut challenges, TMJ (jaw tightness), or misaligned hips and pelvis. Many General Practitioner doctors don’t know of these experiences and will only suggest more lubricant, going slower, or magnesium.

  • Dilators: can be used, but I don’t suggest exploring these with professional guidance.

  • Oil based lubricant: everyday wear lubricant, such as oil based lubricant can be useful to ease friction or discomfort during movement throughout your day.

  • Silicone based lubricant: can be helpful for penetrative sex as it creates a barrier and glide, but doesn’t minimise sensation so you can still be acutely aware of discomfort and pain and stop if needed.

  • Kegel balls: can also be helpful to build the strength of the pelvic floor. Sometimes the pelvic floor can become more relaxed when strength is built up, so the muscles around the genitals don’t brace instead. Note, don’t use these anally, if they don’t have a flared based as they can disappear into the rectum.

  • Somatic Experiencing therapy: in some cases, I’ve found that Somatic Therapy, particularly Somatic Experiencing, can help people to begin to process their trauma and the body can begin to realise it has more options to manage than bracing and tightening.

TIPS FOR SLOWER PENETRATION:

Experiences of rushed, uncomfortable or painful penetration can sometimes contribute to someone physically, emotionally and mentally bracing themselves and tensing in similar future situations. This protective strategy can become a pattern we struggle with, and a barrier to feeling relaxed and aroused. I have clients who experience ongoing, recurring and chronic pain or discomfort with external touch or penetration of the genitals.

• Feel your body’s permission before penetration: If the anus, vagina and pelvic floor muscles are relaxed before penetration, this can reduce pain. If you gently put a finger, toy or penis against the entrance and push out/bear down the muscles, you will find that the anus or vagina can gradually soften and pull them in. This can be an indication that the body is ready to receive. It can be hard to gauge general sensation if you’re using dissociative or numb drugs such as alcohol or nitriles, so be extra careful to avoid unwanted pain.

• Sexual positions: Let the person being penetrated find the best positions for them to pace the penetration and control the depth and angle. This can help minimise anticipating and bracing against potential discomfort or unwanted pain.

• Micro-adjustments and micro-movements: A micro thrust, or micro tilt of the pelvis can make a world of difference for both pleasure and unwanted pain. Explore the combination of pace and intensity with micro-movements to see what feels best.